See Number 27 in the Questionnaire

Truth be told, the truth is rarely told. However, I quite enjoy receiving questionnaires and responses on what people are about.

Suz, bless that wacky wiccan, has this one on her blog. I report it here, with my responses.

THIRTY SIX THINGS ABOUT ME

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship? [Define 'currently', 'serious' and 'relationship'.]

2) What was your dream growing up? [Catching a fish big enough to eat.]

3) What talent do you wish you had? [Sword-swallowing.]

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be? [A miracle?]

5) Favourite vegetable? [Broccoli with a good sense of humour.]

6) What was the last book you read? [The phone book ... so many Polish people turned up at the end!]

7) What zodiac sign are you? [The one on the door to the "Gents".]

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. [Not on this body! But I bet somebody in this great wide world has one!]

9) Worst Habit? [The Exorassa & Epanokamelavkion combination.]

10) If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride? [Are you a hooker after all?]

11) What is your favourite sport? [Oh, you are awful ... but I like you!]

12) Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? [Just a 'tude, Dude.]

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? [Try not to fart.]

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? [Passing "Go".]

15) Tell me one weird fact about you. [That I'm not at all "weird". Amazing, eh?]

16) Do you have any pets? [Yes, I have a cage full of furry peeves.]

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? [Would you be bringing wine in a cardboard carton?]

18) What was your first impression of me? [A brass-rubbing, wasn't it? On brown paper.]

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? [Send them in ... I'll double check. Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"]

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? [To the left, not the right.]

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? [Is chocolate willy spread involved?]

22) What colour eyes do you have? [From the back ... kind of clear.]

23) Ever been arrested? [Developmentally, sure. By the coppers ... I'm expecting it any day!]

24) White or red wine? [Another boring wedding feast at Cana ... I'll stick with Diet Coke, punters.]

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? [Buy Zimbabwe!]

27) What's your favourite place to hang at? [The Hanging Gardens of Amble ... a window box by the Town Square. See the picture above.]

28) Do you believe in ghosts? [Only when they believe in me.]

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time? [Count my spare change.]

30) Do you swear a lot? [Fuckin' 'ell ... you know I'm pure as the driven slush!]

31) Biggest pet peeve? [Of my 17 pet peeves, "Murugan" is the biggest at 4.28 Kg.]

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? [Madasaboxoffrogs.]

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? [As long as very little money changes hands in order to get it by the hour.]

35) Do you believe in God? [Yes, if he has a website.]

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? [God knows. See 35.]