This is all-round (well, that's obvious) entertainer Myleene Klass, who has just been warned by the Hertfordshire Police that she could be charged with assault for waving a knife at her window when some trespassing teenagers were being a nuisance outside. I cannot for the life of me think what teenagers would do if they actually got close to Ms Klass, surely they'd be more adept at wanking to her photo in Hello! Magazine, or to an old recording of The One Show.
This is not nearly Myleene Klass, but they've probably met somewhere. This is our beloved Queen (all be upstanding!) who has houses a tad bigger than Myleene's Hertfordshire home all over the flipping country. She probably appears in Hello! Magazine too if the price is right. You know, I've actually never read Hello! I don't plan to.
Queen Elizabeth has plenty of antique knives around her houses, along with swords, axes and pikes. She also has a great many cannons, at least some of which are in working order because the damn things are fired from time to time. Happy Birthday, Your Majesty!
The cannons in this picture are at Windsor Castle. Just let some rowdy teenagers carry on on this lawn ...
And if the Queen runs short of cannon balls, there are bagpipers, and corgis.
Yes, I do recall a homeless nutjob got into Buckingham Palace and sat on the end of the Queen's bed for a chat. However, I believe the guards may have thought he was a member of a former ruling House in Europe. Security has improved, we're told, a portcullis on every floor.
So, Myleene, tough luck on the kitchen knife and ridiculous laws. Get a bloody great cannon!